To live with the kind of faith that
can move mountains; what a beautiful way to live that would be. My faith is as
small as the mustard seed. It is as dry as the plains of the Sahara desert. And
it is as weak as the man who struggles yet does not call out for help. I am
convicted today of that which God has lain on my heart. Oh Lord, you know the depths of my heart. I
pray that you will plant a faith in me that will bear a harvest that is larger
than the sea, wider than the valleys, and higher than the heavenly skies. I
pray that you will use me in every way possible. I am of the least of them, and
I am not worthy of your love. And still you love me in a way that I will never
be able to reciprocate or even begin to understand.
A few
days ago, I was hiking on a 4 mile trail up the beautiful Carolina mountains of
Asheville with my mother and my younger sister. As we walked, I began to wonder
why is it that even though I had given to my life to Christ, I was still stuck
in a dry spell. I had little faith that was not strong enough to see past the
little struggles in life. And I wanted so desperately for God to use me for a
bigger purpose, yet I did not know how. I was stuck. There are two things you
should know about me. One, I am the most stubborn and prideful and arrogant
person you will ever know, and I tend to let my pride keep me from truly
understanding lessons that God sends my way, even when they are for my own
good. And two, I know this about myself, and so I often try to find signs from
God that reassure me that despite my foolish ways, there is still hope for me, and everything is
going to be just fine. Whether it be in a song, a voice in my head, or an act
of nature, if I allow my heart to be open to His word, I am renewed by it every
single time. That day, I found two signs of His love, both of which I allowed
into my heart for the simple fact that I was dry. But oh, God had a bigger
meaning and a bigger message to be struck into my heart than I had even
realized.
The
first sign came in the form of a gracious and beautiful act of nature. In my
life, I have had very few encounters with the red-chested Robin. And each time
I do see one, it means something good is on its way. I can’t exactly explain to
you in detail what has happened each time. But to me, a Robin is a symbol of
peace and good fortune. One very special time in my life, was when I decided to
spend an entire weekend with the Lord, Jesus Christ. I locked myself in my
room, plugged the headphones in my ear to fill my heart and soul with songs of
worship, and read through the entire book, Captivating, written by Stasi
Eldredge about the heart of a woman in Christ. The most intimate and passionate
moment in my entire life happened in that room that Saturday night, as I let
the tears fall forth, almost as if the Lord had opened up the floodgates of
Heaven. I was mesmerized. The next morning, I awoke to the beautiful and sweet
melody of nearly, I kid you not, a hundred red-chested robins singing in the
trees right outside my bedroom window. You may be wondering why this is
relevant to the story. But you see, I had forgotten that moment in my life when
I was at peace within me. That moment when I had truly surrendered myself to
God because I believed that He was in control. So as the graceful Robin flew
before me on the path as we walked, I was given hope that I would return to my
God so much sooner than I had anticipated.
The
second sign proceeding the first was none other than the voice of Christ,
himself. I walked along the path silently asking God to reveal something to me.
I wanted Him to speak to me and to show me what He wanted of me. I was so
selfish and demanded of Him to show me, show ME! As if I had any right to ask
any more of Him than to thank Him for everything He had done for me and for
this world. But God is so gracious and so kind and so loving, that He so loves
to hear the desires of our heart. Ask, and it shall be given to you, He says. (Matthew 7:7) In my short conversation with God that day on the path, I asked Him this one
simple question, “Why have you not used me yet, in the way I’ve always dreamed
of?” I had dreamed of leading thousands of people to Christ, and being a voice
of faith that He could use me to raise the dead, to bring about rain in a
drought, and to feed a nation of people who hunger for food and for love. My
dream was to become an evangelist that was half the woman that Mother Theresa
was, who was one of the truest examples of a follower of Christ that this world
has ever seen.
Can you imagine my
surprise when I heard His voice in my mind with the answer? I mean, it was so
unexpected that I literally stopped and paused in my tracks. My mother turned
around to urge me to keep going, and so I did. But I was mind blown by His
answer. He simply answered with this,
“My child, I desire to use you to turn this world upside
down. But it is not enough to be capable of that kind of faith. You have to
open your heart, and accept that kind of faith.”
Dear
Lord, hadn’t I already opened up my heart? I wondered. He smiled down on me and
said one last thing, “Once before, you had.” I left the path at the end of the
hike back down the mountain that day, not really letting His words sink into my
heart. That was the end of that.
Tonight,
I returned to that conversation on the path. Yesterday, I started an online
bible college and completed my first lesson. And one of the scriptures I read
as a part of the lesson titled, You and the Bible, read this, “Seek the Lord,
and his strength. Seek his face continually.” (1 Chronicles 16:11) Tonight and yesterday night, I
have sat here on the floor reading the Word and crying like a baby as I have
continually cried out to God, I am so deeply sorry Lord that it took me this
long to come back to you. I am being sweetly broken, once more. And to be
broken of my ways and who this world has molded me to be is one of the sweetest
and most gracious gifts the Lord has ever bestowed upon me.
My brothers and sisters, I so desire to be
used for the Lord in a way that heals broken lands and tends to orphans and
widows around the world. I long to reach out to the lost of this world and preach
the good news of our Savior, the one who rescues us and gives us new life, if
we let Him! The Lord created each of us, fearfully and wonderfully made, with a
purpose. And no matter how small or how big it may seem to the world, to Him,
your purpose is far greater than our humanly minds can fathom. We are capable
of moving mountains and changing nations. We are capable of turning the heart of
the world towards His love and mercy. But it is only when we allow our hearts
to be completely open to that kind of faith that He will use us for miracles
such as these. I urge you, to be renewed in your faith on a daily basis, and to
pray to Him that He will speak to you and speak through you. I challenge you to
open your heart, and let His will be done in your life. My dreams are still
there, and I am still that girl with the light in my eyes and a hunger for a
revolution of love and peace like never before. I am still crawling on this
path, but when He looks at me, I have the strength and the willpower to stand.
So let your faith grow, and let it grow far, because He is just waiting to make
it blossom.
Matthew 17: 20~"He told them, "Because of your lack of faith. I tell you with certainty, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you."
“Peter
Marshall, the great evangelical preacher, once said that we need "faith
like potatoes" - plain, simple, real faith that will sustain us in our
everyday lives. Whenever I pick up a potato I remember those words. That's the
kind of faith I want. When we have faith and act on it, God will come through
for us, no matter what our circumstances. God is King!”
― Angus Buchan, Faith Like
Potatoes: The Story of a Farmer Who Risked Everything for God
